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Joke of the Day

"A cook's apprentice is throwing copious amounts of herbs into the dish When the cook walks in and says ""STOP WASTING MY THYME"""

"Wanna hear a bird joke?! I don't have one... This is hawkward."

"Do you know how I got out of Iraq? Iran"

"NSFW My friend told me how much she hated sucking dick. I said I've never done it so I can't felate."

"""If you could take one thing from a burning house, what would it be?"" THE FIRE. I WOULD TAKE THE FIRE AND PUT IT OUTSIDE. Easy. Next."

"What's the difference between a truck load of babies and a truck load of bowling balls? There's only one you can unload with a pitchfork. Edit: Who said something about dead babies?"

"Can you really take sticks and twigs and make them into clothing? Sew it wood seam"

"There are three kinds of people on earth Those who can count to three and those who can't !"

"Did you hear about the insomniac car-enthusiast conspiracy theorist? He stayed up all night debating whether Porsche did 911."

"I just had a pervert audition to be the singer in my Paul Simon tribute band He sang ""50 ways to love your lever"""