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Joke of the Day

"Offering the floral arrangement as a meal to the gluten free, lactose intolerant, allergy ridden vegetarian is apparently not ok."

"Batman: Use this spotlight to call me. Robin: What if it's daytime? Batman: *glares at Robin* Gordon: Yeah, what if it- Batman: *smoke bomb*"

"Can't wait until phones become waterproof so pushing people in pools becomes funny again."

"When it comes to physically abusive relationships... They are hit or miss"

"I asked Santa for something to wear and something to play with... He brought me a pair of trousers with holes in the pockets. Merry Christmas everyone!"

"Guy: so what u up to after this? Me: {remembering my friend said to be mysterious but quirky} probably eat a whole red onion in an alley"

"What do women and dog poop have in common? The older they are the easier they are to pick up."

"Yesterday, a clown held a door open for me... I thought it was a nice jester..."

"TIL TIL means TIL"

"If he's dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all ""I still haven't gotten my period."""