44387

Joke of the Day

"We were watching The Discovery Channel on the couch. I was naked. She was afraid. I guess I should have probably introduced myself first."

"Caller ID should be more specific. It should say things like, ""Needs to borrow money"" or ""Will whine about petty stuff""."

"What do you call a computer with an amazing singing voice? A Dell."

"A will is a dead giveaway."

"[meeting a girl at the bar] ME (nervously cracking every knuckle): hi I'm brandon GIRL: please let go of my hands"

"Bought a few packs of Sonicare toothbrush heads @ Costco today & the kids can't go to college anymore but at least they'll have clean teeth."

"My kid's favorite joke right now: Knock knock. Who's there? I eat mop. ... omg that is SO gross"

"Did you know in the state of Kentucky, if you divorce your wife.... She just becomes your cousin"

"Why Can't Charlie Sheen Finish the Alphabet? Because when he gets to 'P' it burns."

"You can fit fifty Mexicans in a van But I can fit six million Jews in my ashtray."