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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why was Jon walking backwards on the first day of school? A: Everyone kept saying it was back to school time."

"What do you call a haughty criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending."

"A picture's worth 1,000 words, which explains why Twitter only shows 14 percent of the images I post."

"hey girl are you my ceiling fan because i'm pretty hot but also too lazy to get up and turn you on"

"If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height? From my head, tomatoes. Hope no one has heard this before, thought of it while driving."

"I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now."

"How do you spell that? t-h-a-t"

"A handsome and well dressed old man walks into a bar... ... approaches a good looking elderly lady, and says: ""Do I come here often?"""

"""Houston we ... are fine."" Female astronaut probably"

"I got kicked out of a massage parlor the other day. Apparently the prostate isn't considered ""deep tissue."""