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Joke of the Day

"I bet when Johnny Depp dies his only regret will be he didn't do enough Tim Burton films."

"I just got a text from someone I don't know. They say they're sick and vomitting. Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?"

"What's the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck."

"Airline just told my GF she has too much baggage & they've only known her a couple of minutes."

"My Doctor told me I had to stop masturbating. Apparently it was making it difficult to complete the exam."

"Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the heck out of the dog."

"Guns don't kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people."

"On what grounds did the wife divorce her husband when she found out he was having an affair with the leader of Cuba? Infidelity"

"I'm going to have a kid and name him Mark... ...so I can make my Mark in the world."

"Hillary Clinton is a strong woman who doesn't need Bill. Besides, the FBI has been fingering her for a while now."