34134

Joke of the Day

"Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the heck out of the dog."

"After a lot of deliberation I've decided communism isn't right... It's left"

"Hey U.S.: if every now and then I heard a ""God PLEASE bless America"", maybe you'd have better luck. #manners"

"7yr old: The Tooth Fairy didn't come last night. *wipes tear* Me: Sorry sweetie, she probably got drunk and passed out on the couch."

"Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned."

"Me: It actually takes light around 8 minutes to travel from the Sun to Earth. Her: Umm light is instant. Everyone knows that. Me: Go home."

"sorry but if your dog is small enough to be carried away by a falcon then it shouldn't be called a dog"

"Vegans with children named 'Hunter' are why I lie awake at night."

"Happy Kwanzaa, my black friend! Kwanzaa just means y'all worship a black baby Jesus instead of the real one, right?"

"I was in a bar with my wife, and a girl tried to pick us up. She succeeded, but almost immediately we were back on the floor. We like it there."