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Joke of the Day

"How to begin a TIFU post This wasn't today..."

"I'm not saying it's hard for me to lose weight, I'm just saying if you interrupt me when I'm eating I'm starting over."

"Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff? Because they push back harder."

"A Recent Study Found That... ...Christian women tend to become atheists after marriage. I don't find that surprising. After marriage, a woman does lose faith in a man's ability to come a second time."

"I was the atm today and an old women asked for my help checking her balance So i pushed her over."

"(calling) 'Hey Boss, what's the difference between work and your daughter?' 'I'm not coming into work today'"

"How much do pirates charge for piercings? A buck an ear."

"What does a clever sentry on guard duty say when he wakes up to see his commanding officer standing over him? Amen"

"You can tell a lot about a person by what they're willing to do during conjugal visits."

"When I die I want to pass like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like the other people in his car."