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Joke of the Day

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, I had to dump her because she kept seeing guys on the side."

"Do you know how electricity works? The truth may shock you."

"It's that time of year when it gets *just* cold enough to draw dicks on people's car windows."

"One of my co-workers didn't come in today because apparently he's constipated. What a shit excuse."

"Local coffee drinker... Local man caught after stealing a month's worth of coffee. He was charged with resisting a rest."

"Why did Mr. T reject Socialism? Because he stumbled across a quote by Karl Marx which said: ""All you have to lose is your chains."""

"What do you call an aging chef with an unfaithful wife? A cookold."

"*wants space* *eats Milky Way*"

"Paula Deen reportably has type 2 diabeties. Any word on she's serving it with butter?"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To show these fu**in pedestrians how its done!"