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Joke of the Day

"[bum holds his hand out] ""can I have some change?"" change comes from within ""thank u. now I'm not poor anymore"""

"Did you hear about the constipated math professor? He worked his problem out with a pencil."

"Why did the salmon cross the road? To get to the front page"

"Isn't it ironic how so many females are attracted to assholes, but rarely say ""yes"" to anal?"

"Being a mailman must be the most boring job in the world. It just sounds so redundant."

"In 1752, Benjamin Franklin invented electricity because it was no longer considered humane to execute people using an acoustic chair."

"A cow went to war... But he didn't know what was at steak."

"Screech up to a yard sale. Ask if they have any haunted amulets. Yell at the dog in your backseat, ""I'm GETTING the spell reversed, Greg!"""

"Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you're 3 and your parents are idiots."

"How can you tell if a person is vegan They tell you the minute you meet them"