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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about the constipated math professor? He worked his problem out with a pencil."
Next Joke
"Q: What did the football say to the football player? A: I get a kick out of you."
"I can't fall asleep right now, I'm too busy counting how many hours of sleep I will get if I fall asleep right now."
"That awkward moment you have long eye contact with someone who's really attractive, only cause it's too hard to walk away from the mirror."
"I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe."
"Studies show unprotected sex has over an 8 percent chance of causing Cancer. The same study found a near equal chance of causing Gemini or Sagittarius."
"A bad metaphor is like a cucumber with a parachute."
"Black people are human beings."
"[on the phone with an ex while violently twisting and stabbing a voodoo doll] Are you sure you're ok?"
"Why do blind people not skydive? Scares the living shit outa their dogs!"