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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the one about Make-A-Wish foundation giving concert tickets to the little deaf boy? Neither did he."

"""Java is to Javascript as ham is to hamster."""

"If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you're nice to a person, who the fuck knows what's gonna happen."

"Horny rooster What does a normal rooster say? cock-a-doodle-doo! what does a horny rooster say? any-cock-will-do!"

"When someone asks, ""How are you?"" I say, ""5-7-8-3"" because they don't care how I am & saying my ATM Code out loud helps me memorize it."

"Santa, Tooth Fairy, easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde.. are all around a $100 bill, who gets it? The dumb blonde, because the rest are all imaginary..."

"Clearly something went amiss when I said I liked an animal in the bedroom and he showed up with a raccoon."

"What do we want? -SHITTY MUSIC COMPILATIONS! When do we want them? -NOW! THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC"

"my book club evolved into a fight club so gradually I almost didn't notice"

"""911 what's your em-"" STAMPEDE ""slow down sir"" IN THE GORGE ""sir I'm gonna need you t-"" SIMBAS DOWN THERE"