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Joke of the Day
"Bad news: pulled a muscle. Good news: implied presence of muscle ..."
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"""This town ain't big enough for the two of us."" -Someone who is terrible at English, science, and geography."
"Did you know that Jose is an American name? It's mentioned in the very first line of the U.S. National Anthem."
"Q: Why couldn't the woman buy a bakery shop? A: She couldn't raise enough dough."
"As soon as I walk in, I can feel every woman at the gym dressing me with their eyes."
"Should I take something for my kleptomania??"
"*stops next to punks at red light* *stares them down, turns up The Walking Dead opening music* *light turns green, slowly accelerates*"
"I was thinking of inventing some chilli flavoured sun cream. But for now I've put it on the back burner."
"Mum: Jackie go outside and play with your whistle. Your father can't read his paper. Jackie: Wow I'm only eight and I can read it"
"I told someone my name and they said, ""That's unusual. You don't hear that every day."" Actually, I do."