93555

Joke of the Day

"I told someone my name and they said, ""That's unusual. You don't hear that every day."" Actually, I do."

"That was Samuel Jackson's first ever public appearance without saying ""mother$ucker"""

"Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into twitter."

"Why did the Boston Marathon runner collapse before finishing the race? (WTF?) His thighs were burning too bad."

"Why did the Burger steal a heater? Because he was cold. Get it? ""Burr..."""

"Me: if u take an opinion and subtract 3.14, you're just left with onion. pretty crazy huh Girl at the bar im flirting with: *takes 9 shots*"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if their was a dog."

"Everything happens for a reason. But, sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions."

"It's hard to fall asleep because I don't trust myself to not die."

"What did the triangle need to do before he could get a loan? He needed somebody to cosine."