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Joke of the Day

"The people of Baltimore played GTA yesterday... Tonight they will see the National Guard play Call of Duty."

"You are what you eat... ...said one squirrel to another. The other said in disbelief, ""You're nuts."""

"The way my dog maintains eye contact while taking a dump is unsettling. Can't he read a magazine like a normal dog?"

"Yo moma is so... good looking, what happened you? edit: premature ejokulation"

"I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley Thanks to months of therapy, I'm finally battling my Damons."

"If I don't introduce you to the person I'm with it's because I don't remember either of your names."

"What does Michael Jackson and j.c. penny have in common? Little boys pants half off."

"A cashier working a dead end minimum wage job found a way out, by having sex with the register He came into some money"

"Modern music is like taking a poop you like it at first, but then you realize its all shit in the end"

"He shouldn't have died so young, but he also shouldn't have cut the grass at 7:30 am on a Sunday. (I'm writing my neighbors obituary)"