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Joke of the Day

"Why isn't suntanning an olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze."

"Can we please stop referring to them as ""dick pics."" I think ""penis portraits"" has a classy je ne sais quoi appeal."

"Why did Verizon's mailman get fired? He was losing packets."

"When toddlers get naked and run around giggling, it's ""cute"" and ""funny"" ...but when I do it, I'm ""drunk"" and ""not allowed back in Target"""

"What is the difference between a man and a cat? One eats a lot, is lazy and doesnt care who brings the food. The other is a pet."

"If i were a hand model, at least i could say that i've banged a model."

"""Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?"" ""I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?"" ""Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"""

"hey girl , you french? coz ***madamn***"

"I like my coffee how I like my women Without someone else's dick in it."

"I was going to tell a joke about anal... ...but fuck it"