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Joke of the Day

"Me: I HAD A VISION! I was a GARDEN GNOME & I was ridding a FLAMINGO & the FAIRIES sprinkled cocaine on me & I FLIED!! My Therapist: ....."

"My friend's star sign was cancer, so I guess it's quite ironic how he died. He got attacked by a giant crab."

"Why did the Egyptian spit out his water? Because it came from the Suez."

"Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached."

"What did one snowman say the the other? Smells like carrots."

"Did you hear the joke about the sewage back-up at the juice bar? No? Well, that's okay. It had a shitty punch line."

"DOCTOR: Don't be embarrassed. Taking trousers off is normal for a prostate exam. ME: Err yeah I guess. Should I take mine off too?"

"The Dalai Lama went into a pizza shop.. And asked them to make him one with everything."

"Craigslist is actually a great way to find stuff that's been murdered on"

"There are other people smarter than me and better looking and more talented and richer but what I have that they don't is bitter jealousy."