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Joke of the Day

"I went to the shop and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I replied, ""No, you sick fuck. I'll be putting it up in my living room."""

"What do you get when you cross a firecracker and a duck? A firequacker."

"My mother in law:did you put the weight on? Me:no...actually I've lost some. You should have seen me month ago. I looked like you"

"How does clickbait work? Just grab this electrical cable. Then what happens? WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL SHOCK YOU!!!!!"

"What do Vegans, ISIS and Feminists have in common? None of them like pork."

"How do you organize a space party? You planet ;)"

"What do they say about a rapper who stole a dictionary? He got a way with words."

"A patriotic needle said: Don't thread on me."

"As long as you're good at blending in, you can be part of Brad and Angelina's family too."

"Forgot to turn on the grill, burgers been on there for half an hour, I know cause the tv show I like's over & nothing's on fire."