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Joke of the Day

"My mother in law:did you put the weight on? Me:no...actually I've lost some. You should have seen me month ago. I looked like you"

"What is the most expensive type of prostitute? Whoreganic"

"I hate when my phone corrects ""hood morning"" to good morning. Maybe I meant hood morning. Maybe some thug shit has happened today."

"What do a bucket and a woman have in common? Before 1928, neither could vote."

"You know what my new year's resolution is? 1680x1050"

"What do Grammar Nazis support? The Third Write"

"When I'm in the bathroom a long time, I come out sniffing & wiping my nose so people think I was doing coke and not making a doody"

"Will Smith's website isn't responding. What do you do? Refresh Prince of Bel Air."

"""We hug and kiss, but people just don't lick each other."" -yet another lie I just told my toddler"

"Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger inspire George W Bush to become president? A: Because he could explain the Bush administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German!"