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Joke of the Day

"I probably should kill myself Because I want to leave the same way I came. By my own hand."

"(Macbeth and lady Macbeth) ""I killed King Duncan"" Macbeth wtf!! ""You told me to!!"" I didn't think you'd do it omg lmao savage"

"What did dick say to the condom? I'm going in cover me !"

"In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you."

"Tequila! Vodka! Whiskey! I'm calling the shots."

"How do cows get their gossip? They herd it through the bovine."

"Did you hear about the dimwit who was so dumb he thought Gatorade was welfare for crocodiles?"

"What do they have for lunch at Monster School? Human beans boiled legs pickled bunions and eyes-cream."

"Why are quantum physicists so bad at sex? Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position."

"Why was a guy arrested for peeing on Indian land? He was on a Nipissing reserve."