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Joke of the Day

"Now that pinterest, instagram and netflix are down, I think I'm just going to spend the weekend learning the names of my children."

"(Guy who was trapped in a well for 20 years standing in front of the Get Well Soon cards at the pharmacy, frowning)"

"Octopus - 8 arms ""Yes"" Octagon - 8 sides ""Yes"" Octuplets - 8 babies ""Yes"" October - 8th month ""No"" I'm burning this world down"

"The police didn't believe me when I told them I found a flying carpet... They called the whole thing fabricated."

"Somebody just said ""good morning"" to me in the elevator. Stare at the buttons like everyone else, asshole."

"I just lost all my Pokemon cards in a house fire. I only have Ash now."

"What do you call a Sith lord who refuses to fight? A sithy."

"Disappointment a woman, after a long search on the internet, found out that ""PHILLIPS 14 INCH"" was actually a T.V"

"I like reserving tables at restaurants using unique names so I can hear the hostess announce, ""Optimus Prime? Your table for 5 is ready!"""

"Lawyer: ""What is your date of birth?"" Witness: ""July 15th."" Lawyer: ""What year?"" Witness: ""Every year."""