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Joke of the Day

"What instrument did Bill Clinton play? That whore Monica."

"I had sex with a chipotle manager When I was about to lick some guac off her tits she stopped me and says ""You know that's extra, right?"""

"I just watched a show about burritos spinning in a circle because my television's broken and my microwave's not."

"What if Stephen Hawking Is the real Slim Shady but he can't stand up"

"Why didn't Mario put more toppings on his pizza? Because there wasn't mushroom on it."

"Why do dogs turn around three times before lying down? One good turn deserves another."

"Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice. I shall take my leave now."

"What are the level differences between nannies? Answer: the A level nannies suggest leafy vegetables... But the B nannies force kale."

"Why did princess Diana cross the road? because she wasn't wearing a seat belt"

"[job interview] ""Name one of your strengths"" I didn't stab anyone today ""That's not-"" Yesterday wasn't so good tho"