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Joke of the Day

"[Penn and Teller getting a loan for their comedy act] ""Ok all you guys need is a name"" *they look around bank for ideas*"

"Baby Lawyer: Did you steal the victim's nose? Accused: No. *cries into palms Baby Judge: O, great, he's disappeared again."

"I applied for a Cashier job at Wal-Mart the other day.. But they said that those 4 positions were already filled."

"Patient: Doctor you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I JUST DID DIDN'T I YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!"

"Humans are like grapes... Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I'm not good with metaphors."

"Few months ago I was involved in an accident which left half of my entire body paralyzed. I am all right now."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No Eye-deer"

"It's actually a good thing money doesn't grow on trees because I've killed every plant I've ever owned."

"why did the blonde have a blue vagina? she didn't fully understand the label ""finger paint""."

"Why did the Irish man only eat two hundred and thirty nine beans? If he ate one more, it would be too farty!"