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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong *walked on the moon* but Michael Jackson was a *pedophile.*"

"I love being complimented on my parking skills! Someone even left a note on my windshield saying ""parking fine""."

"A giraffe was at an airport security check line. The security guy asked ""Is that your laptop?"". The giraffe replied ""I thought you would never ask."""

"There's a big difference between writing poetry, and just making stories with rhymes. Guess which one I'm good at, limes."

"I just watched one kid call his twin brother ugly and now I'm just waiting for him to realize what that means"

"I wouldn't say I do a lot of psychedelics... But my couch has seatbelts."

"My uncle Robert was a shit ventriloquist He used to stick his hand up my arse and tell me to say nothing"

"Chuck Norris is considered to be high-class Norristocrat."

"Ye olde insult battle Insult the person above you in ye olde english. Try to quote shakespeare if you have any quotes in your head. I'll start. Thou dissembler, thou! I fear thee not."

"Looking at Facebook is a convenient way to realize you can't stand most of the people you sort of know."