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Joke of the Day

"[zoo] ME: Haha...this one's face! WIFE: Tha- M [bangs on glass] W: Stop it M [pulls funny face] W [elbows me aside] So sorry, 2 tickets pls"

"I want to be rich enough to realize that I can't buy happiness."

"""Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."" Cashier: ""Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"" Customer: ""Nah...she's purdy good lookin'..."""

"Well it looks like it's just you and me.. [tumbleweed starts rolling away] WAIT TUMBLY, NO"

"What to hear something funny? Original Content"

"Why does nobody like Tigger? Because he plays with Pooh."

"When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday... I'm starting to believe him."

"Me: You know, talking to yourself doesn't make you crazy. Me: I know, right? Me: It's a sign of advanced intelligence. Me: High-5. Me: Word."

"what did they call the disc jockey who kept playing the same songs again and again? DJ Vu"

"Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?"