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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a fake psychic who was found out and now shoots up in ditches? A high medium low"

"Don't ""pshhh"" me, you stupid bus."

"These people are putting up 'Lost Parrot' signs for the sake of their kids, but you'd think they'd place them higher for other birds to see."

"My girlfriend isn't talking to me because apparently I ""ruined"" her birthday... ..I'm not sure how that's possible, I didn't even know it was her fucking birthday."

"What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in"

"ATTRACTIVE WOMAN: What time is it? ME: Haha. Yeah definitely"

"When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says."

"My date cancelled; said he had an emergency. I just saw him at the market buying cereal and I thought, 'I agree with his priorities.'"

"Reason why I'm single... Because it's impossible to be double."

"Do you even Choo Choo? Because you are a ""Damn Girl"" Karma train"