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Joke of the Day

"These people are putting up 'Lost Parrot' signs for the sake of their kids, but you'd think they'd place them higher for other birds to see."

"What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture... What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture on the Northern Lights to the people of Wonderland? Aurora boring Alice."

"How did the cynic die? He died of liver failure. He took everything with a pinch of salt."

"Space Joke What did the engineers say to the crew of astronauts after they discovered they didnt install the rockets correctly.... Guys, we really Apollo-gize"

"Did you hear about the circus fire? ...it was intents!"

"Why isn't Half-Life 3 coming out? Because 2 Half-Lives = 1 whole life."

"If men knew the effect their scent has on women, they'd shower more and fart less."

"What do you call a mythical milkshake? Legendairy (credits to my friend Edward Feng for this really dumb pun)"

"ok sir guacamole is gonna be an extra $1.80 plus the rights to sacrifice your soul to the dark lord satan thank u for choosing chipotle"

"What's the difference between a captain and a lt.col ? A major difference."