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Joke of the Day

"DAD: You're adapted. SCREENPLAY: What?!"

"""Doctor, doctor! I think I'm going deaf."" ""Well, describe the symptoms for me."" said the Doctor. ""Alright,"" said the patient ""Well, Marge has blue hair and Homer's bald."""

"I was in a tailor. I said to the guy, ""I need something for a wedding."" ""What's that?"" he queried. ""A woman that really loves me."" I wept, leaving the shop."

"I used balloons to propose to a girl I met on the internet... I then saw her face for the first time and had to pop the question."

"Can't believe no one told me that cows can't walk down stairs. Now I'm stuck with all these attic cows."

"Why was 9 afraid of 7? Because 6, 7 8."

"[giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda"

"Rooney and Iniesta meet at the airport of Rio ...suddenly Pirlo appears and asks ""What are you guys doing here?"" - ""Just waiting for Ronaldo"""

"Of ten puns, how many won? No pun in ten did."

"What did Iocaste say to Oedipus when he dropped his plate? ""You dumb motherfucker!"""