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Joke of the Day

"I wish I were Mary from the Bible She gives birth to a child and her parents still believe she's a virgin"

"I was watching the men's hockey at the commonwealth games today, I was thinking it must be a very dangerous game to play, I mean half the Indian team were running around with bandages on their heads"

"why do i wish my lawn was an emo ? SO it would cut itself"

"""Can I get a do-over?"" - Me, playing golf, tennis (or pretty much any sport), taking a test, having sex, making a speech, living my life...."

"264 students died in a school fire... in Beijing earlier today. The most tragic thing was they all got out safely, ran around the building, and then ran back inside."

"I found a ghost passed out on my stairs last night. He must have been really into the boos! Happy October!"

"I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone"

"Our son brought weed to Show & Tell and the teacher sent him home with $50 pinned to his shirt."

"Chinese girl I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."""

"ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME: *inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk* I thought u'd never ask"