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Joke of the Day

"He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it's all screaming and shit."

"When Chipotle says, ""Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?"" I pause, then say, ""Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."""

"What do you call an ant with frog's legs? An antphibian."

"The best part about being thirty is that I'm finally old enough to play a high schooler in movies."

"Just explained the Higgs Boson to my friend even tho I don't understand it. He was very convinced. I bet this is how religions get started."

"Did you hear about the scientist who accidentally tripped into his cloning machine? He was really beside himself after that one."

"Whats the difference between America and Yogurt? If you leave Yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture."

"How do bored cows sound like? Meh"

"America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes."

"Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear? To keep his ankles warm."