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Joke of the Day

"The best part about being thirty is that I'm finally old enough to play a high schooler in movies."

"As the NASCAR driver went around the track it just didn't feel right."

"I have sexdaily I mean dyslexia, fcuk"

"If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ."

"My DNA is all over this room. So nobody go doing anything all life-sentency in here, ok?"

"Did you hear the one about the sexually promiscuous citrus fruit? He got lemon aids."

"Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan."

"I'm putting off having kids mainly because I'm not ready to be 9 months sober."

"[NSFW] I have a real passion for bat guano... You could say I'm bat shit crazy"

"My daughter wanted me to be a mime for her birthday party. I was speechless."