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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant, and a rhino? Helefino."

"Why do women have babies? Because it hurts and they deserve it"

"When I die, I want my remains to be scattered around Disneyland. I also don't want to be cremated."

"Ask yourself what you would do for one more day with the ones you've lost and then do those things for the ones you still have."

"today i won a raffle. received a life supply of marmite, one whole jar."

"I came up with a hilarious joke about fermat But the margin was too small to contain it"

"My only fetish is for pasta I guess you could call it fetichinni..."

"Why are people still calling my phone I thought we covered this at orientation..."

"Me: I didn't get anything this year. Do you think Santa's magic...is running out? Wife: Santa isn't real Me: Don't lie to save my feelings"

"Boss: You're late! On Friday, I made it clear that anyone arriving late would be fired Me: Well I didn't know! I ducked out early on Friday"