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Joke of the Day

"Why are people still calling my phone I thought we covered this at orientation..."

"[dies and goes to hell] me: ""mom? dad!? what are you doing here!"" dad: ""we used to switch your food with the dog's food sometimes."""

"What do Disney movies and coathangers have in common? They can both bring out the child from within."

"Granny knot, surgeon's knot, hangman's knot, square knot. I can't do them, but my headphones sure fucking can."

"Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12."

"My asian girlfriend made me mad so I replied in text message with.. -_-"

"Did you hear about the pirate who wanted to cut hair for a living? He moved to the barbery coast."

"Q: How is Clinton's health care reform a lot like his haircut? A: It is a lot more expensive than it looks."

"You remember, in 2008 and 2012, when the right rioted, burned police cars, trashed small businesses, and claimed that President Elect Obama was not their president? Huh, yeah me either."

"Q: How does a poor mans cube look like? A: It's a sphere."