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Joke of the Day

"Bear boss: I need to see you two in my office right away. *I see my coworker is nervous* Me: Relax, how bad can it be. Salmon: Shut. Up."

"KANYE FOR PRESIDENT."

"*sets cauldron over crackling fire* *adds lock of his hair* *does magicky stuff* Now love me. **POOF** *my left eyebrow falls off*"

"We Found Love in a Swollen Face Chris Brown ft. Rihanna"

"The first rule of dad club is shut the goddamn door on your way in, we're not trying to heat the whole outdoors here."

"I'm going to sell John Lennon memorabilia online. Imagine all the PayPal."

"Dear Sharks: You may get your own week on TV, but house cats get their own eternity on the internet."

"What would our founding fathers say if they saw the white house today? What the hell are Jefferson's kids doing in the white house?"

"It gets cold in Alaska during the winter. Juneau what I mean?"

"It's so expensive ""How much do the potatoes cost?"" - ""2.50."" - ""And the bag?"" - ""The bag is free."" - ""Ok, give me the bag."""