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Joke of the Day

"What is an alcoholic's favorite book? Tequila Mockingbird"

"Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW? YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!"

"Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead."

"You know what we call comedy gold in the chemistry world? Ha2Au (I'm sorry, also the 2 should be sub-scripted but reddit wouldn't let me do that)"

"What is the difference between a default subreddit mod and a radical feminist? Nothing."

"Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White House? A: There is White-out on the screen."

"Two peanuts were walking down the street.. And one of them was assaulted."

"Today is your reminder that April Fool's is exactly 9 months away. Time to start preparing your pranks and jokes. Especially if that joke is a child."

"Police: THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW!!!!!! Me: Not with that attitude."