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Joke of the Day

"All the kings horses and all the kings men probably feel like they're being grossly underutilized with that whole egg thing."

"I would've thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited 'til it was dark instead."

"My friend and I wanted to take the spider out instead of killing it... Went and got drinks, cool guy, wants to be a web designer."

"Dating advice: Don't just tell her you have diarrhea, show her"

"I pronounce CHampagne & CHandelier like CHimp so the lower class thinks I'm ""approachable"" & the upper class thinks I'm ""eclectic"""

"*the force awakens* *the dark knight rises* *they make eye with eachother adn realize they were sleepig in the same bed* AHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"why netflix and chill? Because amazon and chill has 1 day delivery."

"What do you call a bug on the moon? A lunatic! (luna-tick)"

"You are now breathing manually. Your welcome :) That's one of the best ways to get at someone over the internet."

"What did the slug say to the snail? Would you like a copy of the big issue?"