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Joke of the Day

"Why did the computer scientist die in the shower? The bottle of shampoo said, ""Lather, Rinse, Repeat."""

"I bet sex with a stingray is like fucking a giant pancake."

"What do you call those people who follow musicians around and try to hang with them after the show? Drummers."

"How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky, Loo-e-ville or Loo-is-ville? I pronounce it Frankfort."

"Moths must love dying because they get to go towards the light. Ughh I just anthropomorphised moths with unverified human ideas about death."

"What's the difference between David Blaine and the NRA? The former has a cunning array of stunts"

"Someone accused my dad of stealing from his job in the roads department... ...I thought it was nothing to worry about but when I got home the signs were everywhere."

"How come Django's wife never hears Django coming? The D is silent."

"*Runs across campus to get to class on time* Whew! I made it! *Sits in the back and browses Twitter for an hour and a half*"

"Smiling releases endorphins in your body, which relieves stress. All I have to do now is explain that to my proctologist when he's done."