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Joke of the Day

"*Runs across campus to get to class on time* Whew! I made it! *Sits in the back and browses Twitter for an hour and a half*"

"I'm actually reasonably happy with Trump's presidency right now..... after all, he's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet."

"For Sale: Thick layer of dust. As seen on TV."

"Knock knock -Who's there? 9/11 -9/11 who? I thought you said you'd never forget."

"What do broccoli and sex have in common? NSFW If you were forced to have it as a child you're gonna hate it as an adult."

"Me: Hey. Nice Honda. Him: It's an Acura. Me: All Asian cars look alike. Him: You're racist. Me: I bet your Toyota is good at math."

"Last night in bed, my wife said we should try some role reversal. So I told her, I had a headache."

"The hands that help others in need are holier than the lips that pray."

"Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."

"The top 3 worst STDs according to logic... 1. A child 2. Feelings 3. AIDS"