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Joke of the Day
"Plastic Surgeon Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself?"
Next Joke
"scientist: he's going to be identical to you in every way me: every way? [my clone trips stepping out of the machine] holy shit"
"*adds lol to the end of a message to sound less mean*"
"what does cellphone reception and princess diana have in common? They both die in tunnels"
"Just sent my boss an email that said ""Keep me coming"" instead of ""Keep 'em coming."" So, that's fun."
"[first day as Tour Guide in History Museum] ""And if you look over here you'll see a lot more really old shit."""
"I'd love to show a fountain to someone from the 3rd world: ""This is our water showing off contraption. We also throw our extra money in it"""
"Waiter what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been but what is it now?"
"Dinner When my wife asks me ""What do you want to have for dinner"" I never guess right."
"What did the welshman do... ...when his girlfriend asked him how many sexual partners he'd had? Fell Asleep"