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Joke of the Day

"I went to an Indian restaurant and ordered a Pelican curry... ...it wasn't a bad meal, but the bill was enormous."

"My dad drove in a pothole and his tire popped, this is how it went Badum-tsss"

"Waiter: I'm sorry I spilled a glass of water on you. Diner: That's all right. My suit is too large anyway."

"How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb."

"A farmer's cattle broke out of their pen and got into the marijuana plants he was growing. The steaks were really high."

"[talking to son on the phone] ""I ran away 3 weeks. You never called the police"" I'm sorry. We've been very busy with the holidays and all."

"I like my women like I like my milk Rich, white, and 2% fat."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping in Southampton? Don't worry, he woke up"

"I hate putting my clothes in the washing machine... they always seem so agitated when I take them out."

"*Dive rolls across the room naked Her- Why don't you just buy curtains?"