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Joke of the Day

"I hate putting my clothes in the washing machine... they always seem so agitated when I take them out."

"My girlfriends are like computers. I mistreat them, load them with viruses, and then I break them."

"What do wearing Crocs and receiving a blowjob have in common? It feels great at first, and then you look down and realize you're gay."

"""Mom, do you have time to play Crazy 8's?"" ""No I'm making dinner, I don't have the time to learn a new game right now."" ""It's not new, it was made in the 1960's"""

"The most important tip when you're fapping solo. Always use your Han."

"i guess my favorite book would haveta be ""being and nothingness""... i was halfway done before i even started reading."

"The talk -Dad, am I adopted? -Not yet, we still haven't found anyone who wants you"

"NEVER date someone that works for your cell phone provider. You're welcome."

"Out with the cat for a walk. We are still at my doorstep. It's been 15 minutes."

"Is Pepsi ok? *I pull out my phone and send a text* *2 hours pass* *an out of breath Dikembe Mutumbo runs in wagging his finger* No it is not"