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Joke of the Day

"The girl I'm seeing said I should say ""make love"" instead of ""fuck"" I said ""what the make love are you talking about?"""

"Just spent 15 minutes explaining football to my 5-year-old daughter. Now I think I'll go explain health care reform to the cat."

"What is everyone using to scrape ice off their windscreen? This morning I used a discount card from my wallet, but it was no good. I only got 20% off.....!!"

"My favorite letter is elamenopee."

"My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she's a bitch"

"Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands"

"I just came back from a Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow but, fuck me!! passing the parcel was super quick."

"Drug test Employer- we need to take your drug test to see if there are any drugs in your urine Employee- I'll pass, you won't check my nose right?"

"What do birds say on Halloween? ""Trick-or-tweet!"""

"If a person were to give a speech about Mozart, where would they be most likely to do it? On the Dias On the Dias Oh Oh Oh, on the dais."