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Joke of the Day
"Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent! I'm not ashamed."
Next Joke
"I like to tell self-referential jokes. Like this one"
"Anthropic principle: the universe must be as it is in order for us to perceive it Anthropomorphic principle: look, I'm a talking principle!"
"If you're going Black Friday shopping tomorrow, be a decent human being & turn your phone horizontal before you record any fights"
"Why do good farmers only excel when they are actually farming? (X-post from /r/jokes) Because they are out standing in their field."
"Tripods with two legs I can't stand them."
"I need a new car.. The one I have keeps taking me to work."
"Did you hear about the woman who blew all her money on powerball tickets? She made a lotto bad decisions...."
"Windows 10 rollout"
"only 10 to live Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""