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Joke of the Day

"What did the decimal say to his wife? ""Damn girl, I'm about to decimate dat ass."""

"The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch."

"Well Aaron Hernandez used to be a ""tight-end""... Now he's a wide receiver"

"I bought a spray bottle to break my girlfriend of looking at her phone when I'm speaking. I hide it after use so she doesn't know who did it"

"I've got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I'm stressing about for absolutely no logical reason."

"One direction splitting up? My daughter just announced to me she is in d-Niall :-)"

"I just burned 2000 calories! That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven and take a nap."

"What's a rabbits' favorite book? Hop on Pop."

"Happy April's fools! ... No really, what did you expect?"

"A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar. He orders a drink."