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Joke of the Day

"If you tell me having a dog is the same as having a kid then I'm going to assume you yell at your dog to keep his pants on at Wal-Mart."

"the most semi-awesome vegetable is the rad-ish"

"fyi it turns out you CAN get kicked out of Jimmy John's for calling the sprouts ""vegetable sperms"" live and learn I guess"

"Two potatos are in an oven.. .. One potato says to the other, ""It's hot in here"" Then the other potato says, ""Oh my god, a talking potato!"""

"why did the cheese stick hate football? because he wasn't first string!"

"Snail Boss: under skills you've put 'quick reflexes' Snail: [2 hours later] that's right SB: [3 hours later] holy heck, when can you start?"

"You had me at ""we've got the place surrounded"""

"*Vladimir Putin dining* I want Russian fries ""They're French fries"" Not for long *crosses Ukraine out on agenda & lists France* Not for long"

"you down with ADD? yeah you know me"

"Scientists have discovered that mothers are the driving force behind their children. Because Force = ma."