41099

Joke of the Day

"I'm not sure, but if I died in your arms tonight, that makes you a suspect. At the very least."

"""And what do your parents do?"" BABY COW: Well, my mom is basically a vending machine and my dad is hamburgers"

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniac [Wat](http://m.imgur.com/mSC9hv0)"

"What did Jesse say to Woody when they were having a threesome with Buzz Lightyear? You've got a friend in me"

"Every time a magician graduates from his school and throws his hat in the air at the convocation, PETA sues him for cruelty to rabbits."

"How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years."

"I have 3 moods: - Skips every song on my iPod. - Lets the music play without interruption. - Plays the same song on repeat for days."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay to have a lentil on my face!"

"[wife comes home from work] ""why havent you done any of the things i asked you to"" [the dog walks past dressed as a policeman] ive been busy"

"What is Homer Simpson's favorite rapper? A. Butter Finger"