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Joke of the Day

"Cat: Human, congratulations, I've chosen your face to sleep upon tonight. If at some point you cannot breathe, do not wake me."

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"Whats the best thing about being addicted to speed? Only one more sleep until Christmas!"
"I'm terrible with directions. Fuck me, left?"
"Why was Yoda afraid of the number Seven ... ? ... because *six seven ate*"
"Whats white and likes to shoot? Kevin Nash"
"What is the difference between paint and a midgets' underpants? When you sniff paint, you get high"
"4yo: let me smell your eyelashes! Me:...ok 4yo:smells like spiders. What if they eat your face? Me: this is how nightmares are born."
"Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two."
"Nurse: The doctor will be with you shortly...do you want me to close the door? Me: Do you wanna watch? Nurse: *closes door*"
"How big are pedophiles shoes? A footlong."
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