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Joke of the Day

"Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early? Me: Because we have had enough of you for today"

"""Oh yeah"" - me, remembering Iowa exists."

"*whispers to old lady at Starbucks* one time they ran out of coffee here and we ate a baby"

"She blinded me with science! (Specifically, a botched LASIK surgery.)"

"Bernie demands change... whereas Hillary prefers cards or cheques."

"Why does a dinosaur have cracks between his toes? To carry his library card."

"Spicy Pickup Line If I had a can of salt, I'd assault you. But all I have is cumin."

"Q: What's an educated hole in the wall? A: A wisecrack."

"Bill Gates is a good rapper. Word."

"A squirrel found big nuts to stock up in its tree. Now i have a empty nutsack and a burning tree."