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Joke of the Day

"Is it sad that the plans I make after work depend on how much charge I have left in my phone battery?"

"What did the pirate say when his kids were about to watch their favorite cartoon? ARE YE READY KIDS?!"

"I send thank you cards to people that don't invite me to their weddings"

"coworker: did you hear someone used all the charity money to buy snacks from the vending machine me: *laughing nervously* that's awful"

"If you ever see a troll eat a fairy It's either time for rehab or you're on Reddit."

"I like my women how I like my wine. 8 years old and locked in a cellar."

"What did the Pimp say to the bashful Gamete Prostitute? Hey, Sex-cells"

"Where do you hide an airport? IN PLANE SIGHT!"

"Why was the necrophiliac depressed? His rotten girlfriend split on him."

"Did you guys hear about the kidnapping today? It's okay though, he woke up."