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Joke of the Day

"I can see six years into the future. I must have 2020 vision."

"If you punch a hippie, and a cop arrests you... Would you get arrested for disturbing the peace?"

"Blowjobs are like paying your taxes. If you don't do it, you are going to be fucked."

"Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two--One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and one to obscure the issues."

"Men are like buses, they won't text me back."

"Coaching my son's soccer team, I thought moms would be all over me - no! They are always, ""The popsicles are for AFTER the game."" Bitches."

"I like my women like I like my olive oil Extra virgin and black"

"Extra car key Extra house key Extra storage unit key Key to an extra apartment with a liquor cabinet - Keys to a successful relationship"

"Have you seen Jesus's abs?!! He must be doing that Cross-Fit workout!"

"The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep."