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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""Bad day?"" Me: ""Stupidhead boss treats me like a kid."" Wife: ""Now now *pats head* eat your nuggets before they get cold."""

"What did Larry McMurtry say when his neighbor asked to borrow a bar of soap? He said ""Sure! I could loan some Dove""."

"What's Thom Yorke's reddit? /u/KarmaPuhlease"

"Why didn't the peanut butter... Fuck the jelly? Because he was already in a jam"

"A man goes to the doctor and says ""Doctor, my farts sound like a motorbike"" Doctor says ""you have an abscess"" Man says ""how do you know?"" Doctor says ""because abscess makes the fart go Honda"""

"A Jewish girl asks her father for $50 ""$40 dollars!"" he says, ""Why do you need $30?!""."

"An ancient tribe of homosapiens split off from the rest and stared at the sun for thousands of years. Today we call them Asians."

"Mom wants me to have a baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.And I want a sane mother who isn't oblivious to my Italian bloodline."

"How do you make a computer your best friend? You buy it a nice bunch of software and get it loaded!"

"Two unconnected vertices? That's where I draw the line."